Engaging with feelings: How many times you've caught yourself debating what is a feeling, what is an emotion and what is a thought? If you are like everyone else, the answer is many. I came across this great book called "The 15 commitments at conscious leadership" which does a wonderful job in many aspects, but also on the topic of emotions and feelings. Diana Chapman, the author, suggests that the primary learning is this: When asked to check in with current feeling states the accurate answer is “I feel…” followed by one or more of the five primary emotions: (anger, fear, sadness, joy, and sexual feelings). If the words “I feel” are followed by “that” or “like,” you are expressing a thought, not describing a feeling. Diana talks about EQ, IQ and BQ (body quotient). We all know about EQ and IQ but BQ?. She makes the link between our feelings and our bodies. The core emotions tend to show up in certain regions of the body. For example, fear often manifests as a sensation in the belly (like butterflies in the stomach), whereas anger appears in the back, shoulders, neck, and jaw, as well as down the arms to the hands. We typically experience sadness as a sensation in the heart area, the front of the throat and face, and in the eyes. Joy is often experienced as a rising, effervescent sensation in the core of the body or up the spine, and sexual feelings are typically experienced as tingling sensations in the erogenous zones. Learning these emotional zones of the body can be a shortcut to emotional maturity. When you feel a sensation in one of these areas, check to see if the corresponding emotion is present. Let the body lead you to awareness. Next time you feel your emotions, ask yourself: “What are the bits doing?” Once the sensation is located, take a few gentle full breaths, breathing as deeply as you can and ALLOW, ACCEPT, OR APPRECIATE THE SENSATION. By not doing so, your "depressing" (which can lead eventually to depression) instead of "expressing". Click here one of Diana's great videos.
Exploring insights but without asking "why": One of the key questions marketers and research teams are trained to ask when generating insights, is the powerful and unlocking "WHY?". So, is "Why" really a great gateway into the depths of the human soul? I thought so for most of my life, but recently I've had 2 different new inputs that made me doubt it: a) firstly when I did my executive coaching certification, I learnt that the "why" triggers a cognitive challenge that at times can create a defense mechanism as people feel challenged; b) secondly, when I read the book: "Never Split the Difference" from the former FBI Hostage negotiator Chris Voss, who uses open ended questions but recommends using "why" with caution..."why can backfire. It's accusatory." Check out this short video with Chris himself further exploring the usage of "why". What do you think?
Enabling quote: "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now."
What are you waiting for? If someone could only see your actions and not hear your words, what would they say are your priorities?
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